


i'm feeling something right

by thisstableground



Series: ITH main timeline [8]
Category: In the Heights - Miranda/Hudes
Genre: (but only unrequited for now), Awkward Dates, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Humor, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Pre-Canon, Pre-Relationship, Unrequited Crush, not an au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-01
Updated: 2020-08-01
Packaged: 2021-03-05 23:21:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,962
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25653562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thisstableground/pseuds/thisstableground
Summary: Usnavi's got an unwanted admirer. According to Nina, the best way to deal with this is to tell Yesenia clearly that he isn't interested. According to Vanessa, the best way to deal with this is through a complicated mess of lies and fake dating that is at best ineffective and at worst creates a lot more problems than it solves.He goes the Vanessa route.
Relationships: Usnavi/Vanessa (In the Heights)
Series: ITH main timeline [8]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1070721
Comments: 7
Kudos: 29





	i'm feeling something right

**Author's Note:**

> context: this takes place about a year before canon, and i'm thinking of it as usnavi's had a growing crush for a while but hasn't figured it out yet and vanessa is still in more of the pre-crush stage where there's a few inklings of potential feelings but not enough to be noticeable.

“I eat chips to enjoy chips, not to prove I’m a big tough girl,” Nina says, taking the purple bag out of Vanessa’s hand and putting it back on the shelf. “Not everything is a competition, V.”

“You’re just saying that because you’re losing,” Vanessa says, picking her Fuego Takis back up and cradling them protectively. “They’re only hot if you’re a _coward_.”

“No, I’m saying it because it’s objectively the truth.”

“Don’t make me shut you in the soda fridge, Rosario. Hey, Usnavi!” she calls, as she spots him doing his speedy little skitter-run up from the adjoining aisle on a beeline towards the back door. “Tell Nina that Fuego Takis are better than the guac ones.”

Usnavi halts in his tracks, glancing over his shoulder distractedly. “Hm? I- sure, why not.”

“Don’t let her bully you, Usnavi,” Nina says. “Let me bully you instead: you’re both wrong and it’s embarrassing.” 

Usnavi shifts his weight like he’s got ants in his oversized pants and looks behind him again. “Uh, I think they’re both great and you’re both great but I gotta-“ and as he reaches for the door someone trills “oh, Usnavi!”

Vanessa catches just the briefest flicker of a pained expression cross Usnavi’s face before he turns and with a genial smile goes, “what can I do for you, Yesenia?”

Yesenia’s voice coming from just out of sight behind the end display says, “do you have any masa harina? I can't find it on the shelves and I’m cooking tonight,” and Vanessa’s eyebrows just about fly off her head: Yesenia’s words were completely mundane, but her tone is dripping with so much seduction that Usnavi’s gonna have to put out the wet floor sign.

Grimacing apologetically, Usnavi says, “ah, you’re like the fifth person who asked. Supply chain issue, we don’t get no more in till Monday earliest. Sonny ain’t tell you that?”

Gotta hand it to him, his customer service face is utterly unbreakable. If she hadn’t seen him clearly trying to hide in the backroom just now, Vanessa would’ve swore he hadn’t even noticed that Yesenia says _I’m cooking tonight_ in the same voice someone might _say I’m not wearing any panties_.

“Yeah, but I thought I’d check with you too,” Yesenia says. “In case you had any...in the back?”

In the corner of her vision Vanessa sees Nina double over with a hand over her mouth, and quickly looks away, knowing if they make eye contact they will both die of laughter.

Usnavi looks like he’s just dying, full stop. “Lo siento, we don’t.”

“Are you sure? Maybe if we both—“ Yesenia starts. Lightning-quick, Nina takes the bag of chips out of Vanessa’s hand, throwing them to the ground and loudly saying, “oh, oops!”

“Is that Nina?” Yesenia says, peering around to their side of the aisle. “And Vanessa, omigod, heeeey!”

“Sup,” Vanessa says.

Yesenia wiggles her fingers amicably at them all, apparently unbothered that they just overheard all that. “Guess I’ll have to go try my luck somewhere else, huh?”

“Uh?” Usnavi says.

“For the masa harina. Oops, lemme just get by you—“ she ignores the ample space on Usnavi’s other side to squeeze through the narrow gap between him and the shelves. “Ciao guys!”

“Later,” Vanessa and Nina chorus. Usnavi says nothing, quietly turning a mortified shade of scarlet in silence until the door chimes and Sonny yells “coast is clear, Usnavi!”

“Yoooooo!” Vanessa hollers gleefully. “Did that just happen?”

“Unfortunately,” Usnavi groans, pulling the collar of his shirt up to hide behind it.

“I feel like I need a shower,” Nina says.

“You’re lucky you only had to see it once,” Sonny says, appearing at the other end of the aisle. “Her and Julio must be on the outs again because she’s been in here every day this week and let me tell you, her energy? I do not need it in the workplace.”

“I think she might be flirting with me,” Usnavi says.

“You think? She practically had her tongue in your ear,” Vanessa says. “Girl, he is a _full_ decade younger than you, that’s nasty.”

“I mean... she ain’t actually _doing_ nothin'? If I start gettin’ uppity about folks coming in and asking about ingredients in a weird voice that’s half my customers. Pero,” he sighs. “There _is_ the energy. Cannot deny that. Hey, you’re women, ¿verdad?”

“It’s been said.”

“So you must know how to–“ he makes a pushing away movement. “This ain’t a problem I ever had before. I just been hiding from her.”

Nina makes an exaggerated thinking face. “Have you, oh, I don’t know, told her you’re not interested?”

“What, are you crazy,” Usnavi says at the same time that Vanessa says “no, that’ll never work.”

She takes Usnavi by the shoulder and huddles in like a coach talking to a star player. “Usnavi, listen to me, I been in this situation a thousand times and there’s one thing that always works, okay? Ain’t no guys gonna care when I just tell them I’m not interested but I tell them I got a boyfriend and _ffft_ -“ she makes a record scratch sound and wiggles her fingers in the air. “– Like ghosts. You gotta let Yesenia know that just because this is a bodega don’t mean the goods is for sale.”

Usnavi looks doubtful. “You see any girlfriends coming around here lately?”

“Sweetie, it’s called lying. Just drop it in casually. She asks if you got plans tonight, you say you’re going to dinner. She says she wants to ride your A-train, you say you’re already makin’ stops at someone else’s station, you know?”

“I just want to remind everyone there’s minors present,” Sonny says.

“Or you could just _talk to her,_ ” Nina insists.

“But Vanessa’s way is tried and tested, Nina!” Usnavi argues.

“It’s basically science,” Vanessa says. “Totally foolproof.”

***

Vanessa’s minding her business on a lunch run the next day when she hears the unmistakable sound of Yesenia flirting at Usnavi at the counter, and almost knocks over the entire shelf of bathroom stuff in her rush to get a front row seat. Sonny joins her, both of them gawking from behind the shampoo at Usnavi focusing extremely hard on counting out change while Yesenia clutches a paper-bagged bottle of wine to her chest and loudly mourns the fact that she’ll be drinking it all alone because Julio is gone, by herself, alone, in her apartment, alone, because did she mention her and Julio have broken up?

“That’s nice,” Usnavi says nervously.

“How ‘bout you, any plans for tonight?”

“He’s gonna get got,” Sonny hisses, trying to shove Vanessa out of the way to get a better view. “She’s gonna wrap him up and take him back to her lair like a spider.”

“Ssh, ssh, he’s got this!” Vanessa pushes him back. “C’mon, Usnavi, just tell her–”

“Got a dinner date,” Usnavi says. His voice barely even cracks on the lie. Vanessa and Sonny silently fistbump in pride, prematurely as it turns out because then Yesenia says “oh, who’s the lucky girl?” and Usnavi’s face goes blank.

“Abort mission! Abort mission!” Sonny whisper-shouts, trying to hop from one foot the the other in agitation without making any noise. Vanessa grabs two bottles of shampoo from the shelf in front of her at random and hurries to the front, dumping them on the counter as Usnavi stutters “oh, girl? The girl is, she’s---oh! Vanessa! Hey, hi, you’re here!”

“Sure am,” Vanessa says as he taps out prices on the calculator with visible relief. “So we said seven tonight, right?”

“Tonight..?”

“For dinner,” she prompts.

Usnavi nods vigorously. “Yes! Yeah! Seven!”

Yesenia looks between them with a smile that’s the perfect 50-50 split between friendly and skeptical. “Well, ain’t that something?” She switches her bag to the other arm to check her watch. “Oh, look at that, I should go. You two have fun tonight!”

“Enjoy your wine!” Usnavi answers. He entirely melts into the counter once she’s gone. “Vanessa Garcia, you are an angel on earth, I deadass thought she was gonna eat me.”

“She wishes. You can put that hair stuff back, by the way, I only came in to get a sandwich.”

“Whatever you’re havin’, it’s on the house, you saved my ass,” Usnavi says. “Man, am I glad that’s all over and done with.”

*

Usnavi’s enjoying himself a nice peaceful evening of knocking shit over and griping at an unrepentant Sonny for moving everything around into prime knocking over locations when Jamael who works at the call centre with Yesenia comes in for smokes and says “ain’t you supposed to be on a date right now?”

“Huh?” Usnavi turns around with the pack of Marlboros, elbowing a box of plastic straws that never used to be there off the counter in the process. “God _dammit_ , Sonny!”

“It’s called aesthetic, read a _book_!” Sonny bellows from the back.

Jamael takes his cigarettes and pulls one out to tuck behind his ear. “Yesenia told me you and Vanessa were g—”

“We rearranged,” Usnavi says quickly.

“Oh, okay.”

“Yeah, she had, um, a thing to do,” Usnavi’s mouth continues. “It couldn’t wait, we’re both definitely still hella up for dinner but she had to be there and I had to be here and that's why I’m here instead of there but we’re gonna do it another day, a date, together, when she’s free, that’s eight seventy-seven change gracias okay cool.”

“...Cool,” Jamael says. “See ya.”

“Hahaha yeah bye,” Usnavi says, waving. “Sonny, shut up, I can hear you giving me that face from all the way over here.”

“No, no, you totally nailed it,” Sonny says, emerging from the shelves to judge him from a closer proximity. “They’ll be giving you the Oscar any day now. You know you’re actually gonna have to take her out if you want anyone to buy this? I’m worried about your blood pressure if you gotta lie a whole date into existence.”

Usnavi chews on his nail contemplatively and checks the time. Just gone eight, he can definitely still catch Vanessa before she heads home. “I’ll be back in five. You can put everything back where it’s supposed to be while I’m gone.”

In the salon the ladies are just starting clean up, by which he means they’re all just standing around chatting but also Vanessa’s holding a broom, which she passes to Carla when Usnavi tells her he needs a quick word in private.

“Why the secrecy?” she asks, following him to the break room.

“Because this is kinda embarrassing for me.” He makes sure they’re alone before he says, “soooo, Jamael came into the store just now askin’ how come we ain’t on a date and I totally screwed it, to be honest. Like, I told him we rearranged but you’ve heard me tryna lie, it ain’t pretty, and I know this ain’t your problem or nothin’, but if I say we’ve been on a date then people’s gonna ask me more about it and I’ma have to say _something–_ ”

Vanessa holds up a hand to cut him off. “Usnavi, are you askin’ me to go on a fake date with you?” She sounds like she doesn’t know whether to laugh or kick him out.

“Yeah, yeah, I know, I’m real sorry, I just really don’t wanna have to have no talk with Yesenia about that whole _situation_ , and you said this would get her to drop it and I know you didn’t mean you specifically but it is only one night—”

“If you think that will be enough to get Yesenia’s claws out then you’re living in a dream world,” Dani says.

“Mierda, where the hell did you come from?!” Usnavi demands, pressing a startled hand to his chest. How does someone walk so silently in heels on a tile floor? “Were you listening in on us?”

“Of course,” Dani says. She leans against the door frame and points at both of them. “Listen. Word’s been around town that this was coming with Yesenia and Julio for _weeks_. I’ve had Hanna telling me that Julio has been in her mama’s shop buying flowers every other day, and we all know it’s not Yesenia’s birthday any time soon, and Carla said before that she heard he bought a burner cell from Aron when I know for a fact he’s still been using his old number, so either he’s become the world’s most romantic pot dealer or he’s cheating.”

“So?” Vanessa says.

“ _So_ if they’ve broken up because he’s cheating, Yesenia isn’t just on the rebound. She’s looking for _revenge_.” Usnavi almost expects a clap of thunder, the way Dani says it with such relish. “He trades her in for someone younger and sexier with better acrylics, she wants to do the same. Get herself a pretty little boytoy to make him jealous, sí?” She indicates Usnavi like _voila, boytoy._

“ _Dani_!” Usnavi gasps. “Please! I am not a piece of meat!”

“Relax, chiquito, you’re not my type.”

“Yesenia’s type,” Vanessa says, and cackles.

“Why _me_?! There’s a million other young dudes out there who’d probably be happy for her to do...whatever it is she does to them.”

“But imagine how hard it is to avoid your ex’s new fling when the new fling runs the local bodega,” Dani points out.

“Ooh! _Damn_ , that’s devious,” Vanessa says. She sounds way more impressed than Usnavi would like her to. God, how has his life come to this? He’s just trying to run a business here.

Dani nods. “Which is why you’re going to have to try a little harder if you want her to move on to the next target.”

“Hmm.” Vanessa looks thoughtful. “How long we talkin’? Two weeks, maybe three?”

Dani makes a _thereabouts_ gesture. It takes Usnavi a second to catch up. “Wait, you mean like me and you..? Vanessa, we can’t do that! You realize what you’re saying?”

“It ain’t like we’re putting out wedding invites. We’re just tryna make you look unavailable for a bit.”

He wrinkles his nose. “...You really think this will work?”

“100 percent.”

She sounds so confident that he can’t not believe her. Hey, if all else fails maybe he can just physically hide behind her, he’s pretty sure she isn’t intimidated by Yesenia at all. Better than his other options, because he absolutely _is_ intimidated by Yesenia and talking to her about this or in fact anything is the last thing he wants to do. “So, uh, dinner tomorrow? Seven?”

“Only if you’re paying. I’m doin’ this as a favor, remember. ”

“It’s a deal,” Usnavi says, and they shake on it.

**

“I don’t see how this is supposed to help,” Benny says.

“Come on, man,” Usnavi wheedles. “I gotta try and make this thing tonight believable else we might as well have just stayed home and saved on the tip, I need someone to practice on.”

“So practice on him!” Benny points at Sonny, who is sitting on the floor, eating a taquito and watching them back and forth like he’s at a movie.

“Hell no, I’ m just here for the show.” Sonny cracks open his soda. “Ain’t no universe where I ever roleplay a date with nobody in this room.”

Usnavi pulls a face. “Yeah, kinda weird, Benny.”

“Oh, that's the only part that'd be weird?!” he says, but relents at Usnavi’s pleading look. “Alright, fine.” He raises his hands in surrender then drapes his jacket over his head like the world’s worst wig, tossing one of the dangling arms backwards in a mimicry of a classic Vanessa hair flip.

“Oh my god, Vanessa, when did you get here?” Sonny says.

“That’s perfect!” Usnavi bounces happily in his seat, then shuffles round so he’s facing Benny directly on either end of the couch. “Date time! Okay, we’re at the restaurant, we’re sittin’ at the table-“

“You should pull her chair out for her,” Benny says. “Classic move if you’re tryna make things more romantic.”

Usnavi makes a note of it in his phone, and then flounders around trying to remember how people start conversations with other people, which until now he thought was definitely the one thing he knew how to do. Why is it that even on a pretend version of what’s already in itself a pretend date he completely crumbles under the pressure? “Uhhh... great weather, right?”

“Booo! Weak! Ask her about herself!” Sonny calls through a mouthful of taquito.

“We agreed no heckling!” Usnavi says, but it’s actually pretty good advice so he firmly does not think about how his thirteen year old cousin is better at this than he is and instead refocuses on Benny, saying “so! Vanessa! What have you... been doing this weekend?” and trying to make it sound natural instead of like he’s wearing a wire.

Benny puts on a falsetto that sounds nothing like Vanessa’s husky voice and says, “at the gym straight deadliftin’, that’s why my arms look like this now.”

Usnavi makes a disapproving noise. “I don’t think you’re taking this seriously.”

“No shit I ain’t. You talk to Vanessa basically every day at the store, why are you so pressed about what you're saying to her now? _She_ knows the score, you ain’t actually gotta try and impress her, because this _isn’t a real date.”_

“Yeah, but just ‘cause it ain’t a real date don’t mean I don’t wanna make it a good one!”

Benny makes a little clicky _tsss_ sound and exchanges a look with Sonny, then pulls his jacket-wig off onto his lap and says in a gentler voice, “dude, are you sure this is how you wanna deal with this Yesenia situation? We can come up with something else.”

“Why would we need to? We already got a perfectly good plan.”

“It’s just...playin’ with risky shit. Relationship stuff always makes things messy,I don’t want this to backfire on you.”

“It ain’t gonna backfire!” Usnavi says confidently. “Now get back in character, I only got four hours before dinner to get good.”

Benny sighs and puts the jacket back on his head.

***

“I hope this place is okay,” Usnavi says. He pulls Vanessa’s chair out for her then takes his own. “I wasn’t sure where was good date vibes but I brung a girl here a couple years back and she didn’t break up with me so—well, or not because of the restaurant, at least.”

Vanessa picks up the menu and looks around. The restaurant is one of those impossible little independent places that seems like it’s been around for a million years and has clung on by being so well-hidden that somehow even gentrification has overlooked it so far. The music playing over the speaker is some incongruously atmospheric triphop, the decor is a 90’s Taco Bell with accessories borrowed from every grandma’s house ever. It is _exactly_ the kind of place she’d expect Usnavi to take someone on a date.

Her eyes pass from a print of the wall that looks like what her abuela would make if she had a side-gig designing carpets for bowling alleys to the group of people sitting underneath it and she grins. Damn, you couldn’t have planned it this good.

“Check it out,” she murmurs to Usnavi. “Yesenia’s Scooby gang out solvin’ mysteries tonight.”

“Oh snap, where?” Usnavi says, meerkatting around. “Is she with them?”

“No, but Jamael and Erin are, they’ll for _sure_ tell her if they see us here. Quick, try and look romantic or something!”

Usnavi gives a nervous _aaah_! and flails his hand out, fluttering it vaguely around in front of Vanessa’s face. She grabs his wrist and slams it hurriedly down to the table with a loud bang and hopes nobody noticed.

“I said look romantic, not like you’re trying to hypnotise me!” she says in an exasperated whisper. “What was _that?”_

 _”I don't know!”_ Usnavi wiggles himself free and sits on both his hands. “I was gonna—hold your hand, I think? And then I was like _hey actually what the fuck am I doing_ but I’d already started moving and I panicked.”

“Real smooth. _Super_ convincing.”

“I don’t see you bringing nothin' better to the table!” he says defensively. “At least I did the chair thing!”

Vanessa taps her fingers and grudgingly admits that the chair thing was good, if you’re into that kinda crap.

“Sí, well, don’t get too excited.” Usnavi sounds glum. “That was my only move and I got it off Benny.”

“At least he gave you something,” Vanessa commiserates. “When I asked Nina she was just all ‘you might be able to put stupid ideas in Usnavi’s head but don't drag me into it.’” She lifts her hands in a wide shrug, _can you believe that shit?_

“Benny was the same! ‘Are you sure this is a good idea’, they got no faith in us.”

“Right? What, like it’s so hard to fake a date? We don’t _need_ their advice.”

“Yeah!” Usnavi says. “So we’re a bit rusty, ¿y qué? We’ll figure it out.”

“Yeah!” Vanessa agrees, just as the server comes over to take their order. She gives Usnavi a _watch this_ look and says, “we’ll take the nachos to _share_ please.”

“Oh!” Usnavi’s face brightens in understanding and he adds, “and...and one chocolate milkshake but with _two_ straws!” looking to Vanessa for approval afterwards. She gives him a thumbs up. See? Nothing to it. They even move to sit on the same side of the booth next to each other to eat their shared nachos, though they cant bring themselves to actually drink the milkshake at the same time because every time they try it Usnavi keeps breaking into a fit of debilitating snort-giggles. If the other table sees them she never catches them looking, but she’s sure they must because it’s a flawless execution of an airtight plan and Nina and Benny can fuckin’ _suck_ it.

***

Sweeping up hair is hardly Vanessa’s dream job, but she likes to think she’s an optimist at heart and knows that the key to getting through a workday you aren’t enthused about is to carve it up into smaller milestones so that you feel like time is passing every time you hit one.

In that spirit, Vanessa divides her mornings at the salon like this:

7.00-8.00: pain and hatred, coffee  
8.00 – 9.30: ugh  
9.30-10.00: snack followed by a brief dizzying high of indifference  
10.00-10.02: calculating how much money she has earned in the three hours she’s here and what she could buy with that  
10:02 onwards: despair until lunch.

It’s around 10:30 when Usnavi comes into the salon the day after their “date”, peak despair hours, which is why Vanessa says hi more to the coffee in his hand than to Usnavi himself. To her surprise, he hands it to her.

“Really?”

“Sí, I brought it for you anyway,” he says. “As a gracias por lo de anoche.”

She stares suspiciously at him. “Just comin’ round here in the middle of your workday to give me coffee as a thanks for a dinner _you_ paid for?”

“Yeah!” Usnavi drops his voice so the clients in the chair can’t hear and admits, “may or may not have been influenced by the fact a certain person is buying groceries right now. Reports have yet to confirm.”

Ah, now she gets it. Vanessa sips the coffee – ah, _perfect_ amount of cinnamon, as always – and says, “you shoulda stayed there to find out if she’d heard anything about it.”

“I guess, but bleh.” Usnavi wrinkles his nose. “I figure this might add a lil more fuel to the fire, anyhow. I don’t go round givin’ free coffee to just anyone, you know.” He grins at her. “Only my decoy ladies.”

“If this is the kinda treatment she’d be gettin’ I see why she’s chasing you.” She punches him amiably in the arm. “Hell, keep it up and you might even win me over for real.”

**

 **Usnavi:  
**no creo this is working

 **Vanessa:  
**???

 **Usnavi:  
**yesenia just came in y asked what time i get off work  
pero in a VOICE  
what time do you.....👀👀 get off tonight  
me: jajajajajaaaa never actually!!! the store never closes!! bodega 24/7!!!

 **Vanessa:  
**homegirl be thirstin

 **Usnavi  
**fr fr 🙃

“Yesenia is fuckin’ shameless,” she says to Dani and Carla, who perk up over their post-work drinks at the possibility of gossip. “I can’t believe she’s still flirting with Usnavi. You’d think she’d be a little more sensitive about that kinda thing since someone comes along to steal Julio every ten minutes."

“It ain’t like you’re really with Usnavi though,” Carla reasons.

“She don’t _know_ that.”

 _“_ Nobody thinks you’re together, linda.” Dani holds out her hand with a grabby motion for someone to pass the wine over. “I hear more rumors about _my_ dating life than you and Usnavi, and the only people who have ever gotten in my pants are my OB-GYN and the girl who does my bikini waxes.”

“But we went to dinner? He brought me coffee. We shared a _milkshake_!”

“Yeah, but you got friend energy,” Carla says sagely. She lifts up the arms on the corkscrew like it’s raising them in shock, and makes a little surprised face to match.

Dani nods. “Didn’t I tell you it’d take more than one measly dinner to convince her? Where’s the chemistry, the _passion_?”

Vanessa scowls. “What do you want me to do, grab his ass in the street and call him sugartits?”

“I would love that, actually. You have to give people something to _talk_ about.” Dani pauses, taking a slowly savoring sip of her wine. “Or get someone to start the talking for you. A few words in the right ear here and there.”

 _Yeah, ain’t nothing suspect about that_ , Vanessa thinks, narrowing her eyes. “What words?”

“Nada too scandalous. PG-13.”

“Don’t be getting all mushy and telling everyone we’re goin' steady neither. I don’t need the whole world thinking I like Usnavi De la Vega.”

“But I thought that _was_ what you want everyone to think?” Carla pipes up, making a confused nose-wrinkle face.

“I –“ Vanessa hesitates. “I guess, yeah, but not like, oh, she Likes him. More like, she likes him but just like, like-likes him not _Liiiiiiikes_ him.”

“Chica, you are a whole mess, do you want me to help or not?” Dani says.

“What’ll it cost me?”

“You think I wouldn’t do this out of the goodness of my heart?” A meaningful pause hangs around in the air. “I need you to come in next Sunday, my psychic’s going to her cousin’s wedding in Cancún next week and if I don’t get a reading before mercury retrograde this whole salon could go down the toilet.”

“Y-“ Vanessa starts.

“And no making fun of my psychic,” Dani adds.

Wrestling down her first response, then about seven more after it, Vanessa manages a strangled, “okay,” and hopes Usnavi knows the kinds of sacrifices she’s found herself making for him. “Do your thing.”

***

Abuela gives a call of delight as Vanessa enters the store, taking her hands to pull her in front of them like she’s dragging her onto a stage. “Ah, here she is, someone who can show you the power of beauty sleep!” She shakes Vanessa demonstratively. “ _This_ is what happens when you get eight hours. Don’t you want to look like this, Usnavito?

“N...o?” Usnavi says.

Vanessa turns Abuela’s grip onto her hands into a merengue. “I’m just naturally this hot, Abuela, you know I’m all about the all nighters. Let him party!”

“Party, she says!” Abuela shakes her head. “Party? This boy, he stays up all night work work working. Pah!”

“Ew, in that case, listen to the woman, Usnavi.”

Usnavi, who looks as bright and bouncy as ever – Vanessa suspects he doesn’t even _need_ sleep – flaps a cleaning rag at them dismissively. “I had to do inventory. Who’d be the first ones kicking my door down if my little bodega couldn’t cater to their every need? These two, aquí mismo.” He slings the rag over his shoulder, and says to Vanessa with a gleam in his eye, “so guess who had _sev_ eral customers askin’ after you these past couple days?”

“Alriiiight, the Dani propaganda machine makin’ good!”

“Ah yes, the young lovers,” Abuela says dryly.

“Abuela thinks it’s silly,” Usnavi informs Vanessa.

“I didn’t say that, mijito.”

“You didn’t have to.”

Vanessa pouts. “Abuelaaaa! You should be thanking me for protecting your precious baby boy from that praying mantis of a woman.”

“Sí, sí, you're a good girl,” Abuela says. She’s the only person who Vanessa would let get away with calling her that. “I suppose there is no harm if you’re both enjoying yourselves.”

“We are!” Usnavi confirms.

Abuela gives him a considering look and then smiles. “¡Bueno! So when are you doing something nice together? There is a festival in the park el sábado, mucho musica y arte, perfect place to have... a ’date’.” She makes little quotemarks with her fingers.

“Oh, I got a flyer about that in the mailbox, I was gonna go anyway.” Vanessa raises an eyebrow at Usnavi. “Could be a good time?”

“Store don’t run itself,” Usnavi says.

“Ah, but you don't want Yesenia to see this amor nuevo?” Abuela says.

Vanessa adds, “if I tell Dani to spread a rumor that Julio might be there with his new whatever then she’d for sure show up and then we can rub it in her face. Get Sonny to watch the store for a couple hours.”

“He’s still new hire, and _thirteen_. I ain’t left him in charge for more than five minutes before.”

“I can supervise,” Abuela offers. Usnavi wavers.

“Jeez, is it always this hard to get you out of this place?” Vanessa says. “I’ll make sure to bring you home before you turn back into a pumpkin, Cinderella.”

Usnavi clicks his tongue with disapproval, but he looks kinda pleased. “Alright then, ¿por qué no? Sounds fun.”

“Sounds fantástico,” Abuela says. Her smile widens. “Very romantic.”

**

It isn’t that Usnavi _intended_ for his whole life to be the store but the chips fell where they did so that's just how it is. He takes all the teasing from his friends about it in his stride: he still talks to people, doesn’t he? Still has friends and family and goes through most days in a good mood, if a tired one. Sure, he’d like to go out to more bars, he’d like to go to more parties, he’d like to sleep in sometimes, but he always imagines there’s a future Usnavi waiting in Puerto Plata who gets to do all the stuff that everyone always tells him he’s missing out on. For now he’s still got rent to pay and food to buy. He’s still paying off his folks old medical bills from five years ago, and new utilities bills, and something’s always breaking, so the day he gets to be Future Usnavi always gets pushed a little further back while Present Usnavi just tries to get by.

At this very second, Present Usnavi is walking through the outdoor gallery of a small arts festival in Fort Tryon Park and has just realized that saving up all his life to experience it when he has time makes him a pretty piss-poor date, even a fake one. Especially when his not-date is someone like Vanessa García, who is walking alongside him with her hair in two long tight braids and a deep blue-green lipstick, wearing ripped fishnets under a pair of shorts and a baggy t-shirt with the sleeves rolled and looking like she just effortlessly threw on the first things she found but that she was looking for them somewhere _unimaginably_ cool. Usnavi, meanwhile, just looks like he threw on the cleanest things in his laundry pile, probably because that’s exactly what he did. Vanessa who when they stop to talk to a mutual acquaintance chats about what happened when they went to the club the weekend before, whether she’ll see them there again tonight, and Usnavi grapples silently with the concept of someone going out to socialise not just two weekends running but _twice in one day_ , and meanwhile he’s already feeling a little anxious about Sonny and Abuela having been left in charge of the store for at least half an hour by now.

Vanessa who’s with him in this gallery area and to his surprise she’s actually looking closely at the paintings, pointing out ones she likes and ones by local artist who she knows. Vanessa who despite the fact she’s always saying she doesnt care about anything and doesnt like anything is nevertheless a wholeass interesting person full of stories and plans and thoughts. And all Usnavi’s bringing for his part is second hand stories of other peoples lives, he’s standing here in second hand clothes wondering what the hell he's supposed to talk about, desperately trying not to look boring and stupid and failing at it because while he’s been having this whole internal crisis he hasn’t actually been listening to what she was saying to him and now she’s frowning at him.

“Am I boring you?” she says, in a light voice with a sharp edge to it.

“No no no not at all!” Usnavi says hastily. “Just...I was just thinkin’ how I didn't know you was into this stuff. And how I don’t know how to talk about paintings.”

“Ain’t like you gotta have an Art degree to use your eyes and have an opinion.”

“I don’t think I even know enough to have an opinion.”

“Sure you do,” she says. She gestures the nearest painting to them. “It's easy. All you gotta do is look at it and say what it makes you think of, go.”

He looks. It’s a small square canvas in a series of landscapes where he recognizes little corners of Hudson Heights, this one an aerial view from a roof down over fire escapes with laundry lines slung between them, looking into the intersection of an alleyway and the busier street that it joins. The shadowed areas are jet black painted so thickly he can see the texture of the paint and where the light hits are bleeding colorful rainbow tones like a particularly aggressive sunset.

“It kinda makes me think of you,” he says and then cringes as Vanessa gives him a startled look. “Sorry. That was stupid.”

“No, it’s cool,” she says in a weird harsh voice. She looks from the painting to him then quickly looks back at the painting. “It’s cool. Let’s go get food or something.”

They buy elotes from a cart and make their way over to the temporary stage where they sit on the grass, several feet back so they can eat without anyone tripping over them. More in his element here than trying to play art critic, the sound of the band quells some of the overpowering background bubbling of Usnavi’s own brain to a low simmer and it all feels familiar to a thing he can’t place: the taste of lime and cotija and charred corn, the murmur of a guitar in the cool air of dusk, the sound of life around them like being part of the universe for once instead of watching it all pass by the door of his bodega.

He finishes his elote first, keeps himself busy by idling plucking pieces of grass to shreds and watching everyone milling around, when with a jolt he sees Yesenia over on the outskirts of the standing crowd nearer the stage. He’d forgotten that she was the whole point of this thing.

“Guess who showed,” he says, nudging Vanessa.

“Oh shit, game faces on!” Vanessa puts her nearly-eaten elote down on her paper napkin and shuffles in to sit so close to him that their sides are pressed together.

Usnavi hesitates, then tentatively puts an arm round her shoulders. They’re _trying_ to make this look romantic, right? He isn’t being too forward? “Is this okay?”

“Is she looking at us?” Vanessa says, leaning against him, which he takes as a yes. “Does she look jealous? Tell me she looks jealous.”

Yesenia doesn’t look jealous; Usnavi’s pretty sure she hasn’t even seen them. She’s bobbing her head distractedly to the music, interrupting her own rhythm constantly to reposition a ringlet of hair, to check who’s passing behind her, to look at her phone and put it away without using it.

“I think she’s looking for Julio,” he says. “I feel kinda bad for her.”

“Dude, don’t. You know they do this shit every six months and if it ain’t him fucking it up it’s her. They deserve each other.”

“I know, I know. It’s just...sad. They’ve convinced themselves they wanna be in this relationship so bad that they do all this dumb horrible shit then keep gettin’ back together even though they make each other miserable, that ain't no way to live.”

“That’s relationships for you. Catch me makin’ a fool of myself for a jackass like Julio.”

“Okay, but let’s be real, you could have your pick of any guy you want.”

“Who says I want?” She laughs. “I have my fun but I ain’t gonna be living in this dump forever so why bother gettin’ into something with someone when I’m gonna be out of here as soon as possible? I don’t need no man tryna drag me back here to stick with his sorry ass when I got places I wanna go.”

“But if you find someone who’s _supportive_ –“ Vanessa leans back from him to make a pursed-lip eyebrow-raise face and Usnavi cuts himself off with a grin. “Yeah, okay, tienes razón, none of my business. I got no room to talk about relationship advice anyhow, this is the closest thing I’ve had to a date in a _real_ long time.”

“Married to the bodega, huh?”

He snorts and says, “I’ll take ‘reasons neither of my relationships made it past more than two months’ for 100, Alex.”

“Oof, rough.”

“They wasn’t wrong. And I barely even thought about dating since me and Isla broke up and that was... shit, that was like three years ago or something. It ain’t really been a priority.”

He looks back to where Yesenia was standing, but the evening’s falling faster than he thought, and he can’t make out whether she’s still there through the dim. Maybe she saw them and left. Or she went to find Julio, or to just enjoy her night without thinking about any of them. “Vanessa, why are you doin' all this for me? The fake dates and all. I mean, like Nina said, maybe I shoulda just told her to back off.”

“ _That’s_ exactly why. You think I’m gonna let Nina think she _won_?” and she sounds so disgusted by the idea that Usnavi laughs. Vanessa does too, then says more seriously, “and like, because Yesenia was being gross. I got nothing against rebound sex but when she’s out here creepin’ on someone who clearly isn't interested just cause she wants to get her a revenge fuck on, that ain’t it.”

“Oh. Well. Thanks. Really.”

“No sweat,” she says. After a pause long enough that Usnavi thought the conversation had already ended, she adds, “hey, and for what it's worth, I had a pretty good time hangin’ out. I think if you wanted to try the dating thing again you’d be better at it than you think.”

“You think so?

“Yeah, man, I’m sure some dork-ass chick out there’s gonna go gaga for the whole motormouth nerd schtick,” she says. He takes it as the compliment he hopes she means it to be and after that the conversation really does end. They sit listening to the next band take stage as it gets fully dark around them, and Usnavi realizes that even though Yesenia’s long since disappeared into the crowd, he still has his arm around Vanessa’s shoulders.

******

Yesenia isn’t usually someone Vanessa would go out of her way to chat with, but she can’t pretend like she isn’t curious to know if their plan is having the intended impact so when Yesenia gives her a friendly greeting as they pass by in the street Vanessa makes a point to stop and initiate some smalltalk to see if she can get anything good out of it.

“About to head downtown, gotta get my nails did,” Yesenia answers when Vanessa casually inquires about her day. “How about you?”

“Just going to see Usnavi,” she lies.

“ _Oooh_ , I saw you two at the festival on Saturday,” Yesenia says, in a _tell me more_ voice. “Seems like you’ve been spending a lot of time together, huh?”

“Yeah, we have," she says, just a hint of a challenge.

Yesenia gives an amused exhale. “Don’t worry, honey, he’s all yours.”

“He ain’t _mine_!” Vanessa denies automatically, feeling herself flush then remembering she's supposed to be playing a part. “I—or, that isn’t, we’re just—so you and him, you ain’t lookin’?”

“Oh, _looking_? Can’t blame me for _looking,_ he’s a cutie.” Yesenia jumps her eyebrows and fans herself with a hand. “If he’d asked before yesterday, weeell, a boy like that could use a woman of the world to show him how things work. I mean, you get it.”

“Hmmn,” Vanessa says neutrally, instead of saying what she’s thinking which is _I do not and also yikes_.

“Longterm, though?” Yesenia shrugs. “He isn’t exactly boyfriend material.”

 _“Excuse_ me?” The outrage is only partly to keep up the act. Like, no, obviously she doesn’t think Usnavi is boyfriend material for _herself_ either, but in general he’s a sweet guy with a pretty good face so why the fuck wouldn’t someone think he’s boyfriend material if that's the shit they were looking for? Better than Yesenia’s Mr Burner Phone over there for sure.

“No offense!” Yesenia says quickly. “Just, y’know, younger guys are fun but what I have with Julio, that’s something special. That’s why I took him back when he called me last night. You don’t let a relationship like that go just for something casual.”

“He was cheating on you, right?” Vanessa says bluntly.

Yesenia gives her a sharp look. “When you’re in love you have to learn to forgive anything. If things get serious with you and Usnavi then you’ll understand.”

“God, I hope not,” Vanessa says, and makes a hasty exit from the conversation. People in relationships really do put themselves through some bullshit, don't they? It's enough to make a girl wanna stay single forever.

*******

“Yo, we gotta talk,” Vanessa says, and on noticing the other bodega customers browsing around she adds, “in the back, maybe? I’ll be quick.”

Usnavi nods. “Sure. Benny, do you mind keepin’ an eye on the place for a second?”

“You got it,” Benny says, taking Usnavi’s hat from him.

Usnavi grabs it back and follows Vanessa down the store and through to the storeroom. “We hatchin’ new plans? What's the next move? I ain’t even seen Yesenia since the weekend, I think we might be makin' progress.”

“You got that right,” Vanessa says, shutting the storeroom door behind them. “She’s back with Julio.”

“Oh!” Usnavi says, surprised. For some reason, that wasn't what he was expecting. “I guess that makes sense, you did say it’d only be like three weeks and that’s been basically three weeks down to the minute.” He scratches the back of his neck and admits, “I, uh, can’t believe this actually worked?”

“Don’t get ahead of yourself, we still gotta nail the dismount.” Vanessa takes a seat on the folding chair and kicks her feet up on an empty box. “I’m here to talk breakup strategy, we better get our story straight.”

Usnavi frowns. He hadn’t thought as far ahead as ending this charade. “Why don’t we just tell everyone we wasn’t really together? Ain’t like it matters, now that she’s back with Julio.”

“You don’t just _tell_ people when you was lying to them, Usnavi,” she says impatiently. “It’ll make us look petty as fuck. We gotta have a cover story like, I don’t know, you got jealous ‘cause I was goin’ out too much or something.”

“But that makes _me_ sound petty."

“Alright, we broke up because I’m too much woman for you and you couldn’t handle it.”

“Hold up, why does it always have to be that way round? Can’t it be that I’m too much man for you?” he protests, then replays the last sentence in his head. “Ugh, forget it, both of those are no. I don’t think we should have one where either of us is the asshole.”

“The sex was too good and it was distracting us from our jobs and families?”

_“Vanessa! No!”_

“Oooh, ooh, how about this—“ Vanessa holds her hands up like _this one’s a winner._ “We fake your death! You go on vacation for a couple weeks, ditch the hat, come back with a mustache and we’ll say you’re Usnavi’s distant cousin taking over the business.”

“Vanessa, that’s ridiculous, I can’t grow a mustache.” Usnavi leans against the shelf and thinks for a while, casting back to their conversation from the other day, and to previous breakups long in the past. “How about we just...be honest? You ain’t lookin’ for anything serious, and I ain’t really got much space for dating around work.”

“Huh,” Vanessa says thoughtfully. “That ain’t bad at all. Keeps it simple, nobody’s the bad guy, we had a good time hanging out but it was just obvious anything more wouldn’t work out between us, people will believe that easy. It's perfect.”

“Perfect,” Usnavi echoes, quietly. That’s...one way to put it. “Well. Hey. It’s been swell.”

“Hey, it kinda has.” Vanessa holds out her hand to shake. “It was a pleasure doing business with you, Sr. De la Vega.”

“Same, Srta. García,” he says with a laugh. He opens the backroom door out onto a now mostly empty bodega, and holds it for Vanessa, who smiles at him and says, “I’ll see you round.”

He raises his hand in a goodbye as she makes her way out the front door, and watches it close behind her, the way her hair catches the breeze as she walks out into the street. He watches a while longer, even once she’s out of sight completely. Then he makes his way behind the counter where Benny’s reading a newspaper, sits down and puts his head in his hands.

“Benny,” he says against his palms. “I’m a moron.”

“Ah, man,” Benny says, sympathetically. “It backfired, didn’t it?”

“It sure fuckin’ did,” Usnavi says.

*****

Vanessa slouches into the salon grouchily, muttering something that might be a “hello” to Carla and taking a moment to glare at her own reflection.

“Buenos días!” Carla says brightly. “You just missed Usnavi, he said he left somethin’ for when you get in over there.”

She indicates over at the front desk. Confused, Vanessa makes her way over to investigate and finds sitting next to the phone and the appointment book one of the red and white paper to-go cups from the bodega, with a yellow post-it stuck to the plastic lid.

“What?” she murmurs, turning the cup round so the note’s the right way up. It reads, _on the house :)_ in Usnavi’s spiderdance handwriting.

“Aw! That’s nice of him, ain’t it?” Carla says, appearing at her shoulder.

“Yeah, it is,” Vanessa says, and despite the fact it’s still before 9am and therefore firmly in the _ugh_ hours of the morning, she finds herself smiling as she tucks the note carefully into her pocket.

**Author's Note:**

> i have this theory that for several months before ITH canon takes place usnavi and vanessa just go through a series of trope-heavy situations that usually culminate a couple getting together but neither of them can take the giant glaring hints that the universe is giving them so they just leave every single encounter like Haha Still Friends As Always and it takes them until usnavi's about to fly out to DR to get their shit together
> 
> leave me a comment if you liked it!


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